Have you missed me a lot this week?
Well I have been on holiday because Sir Alex told me with his hairdryer to “Give it a rest Berba!” during my thank you poem for my beautiful goal last game.
So obeying his order, I entered my hot air balloon and jet-setted my way to the playground of the rich and beautiful, Monte Carlo.
Here, I have been enjoying my most important habit for successful people like me, Habit #3: Pleasuring
Fans you are accustomed to seeing me pleasuring with the lads. But away from football, there is another side of me that brings great joy to people, and that is through my dedication to womanising.
Even in Bulgaria, my mother always said I could grow up to be a really good prostitute, not for the money, but because I wanted to give pleasure to so many people. It was a difficult career decision I had to take, but I decided to make football my business and pleasuring my hobby, although sometimes I still get them mixed up.
So after a week in the world’s most competitive prostitute market, I can report that I have once again made you proud. Yes fans, I have broken all the records set by Cristiano, and represented Manchester greatly with the amount of pleasuring I have completed.
The money I have raised has been donated to my ‘Womanising in the Community Programme’ which helps underprivileged people like you make it in places like Monaco and Bangkok.
Even if you do not make it as a professional pleasurer, this habit can still have many great benefits for everyday life.
For example it can help you meet new types of loose friends, pay your rent if you have no money, and most importantly, help you improve your football with its focus on ball juggling, tackle control and sticking it in the right place at the right time.
I believe that my achievements in womanising are showing you the way to a better future.
Now go! Follow it well and you too can finally be a true giver to the people around you.
Goodbye and Good Pleasuring